He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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