we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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