True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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