I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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