Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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