When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize