Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  Soulmates.

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  (301): He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?" (1-301): Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/8tiz
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  (646): View more from New York

  They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

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  (646): They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?! http://tfl.nu/7uj0
  Replies (10) Good night (6655) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.

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  (585): My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home. http://tfl.nu/zb6p
  Replies (6) Good night (700) Bad night (3749) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I hate the hobo that sits outside our building

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Joe or Chris?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.

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  (314): I hate the hobo that sits outside our building (1-314): Joe or Chris? (314): do i even wanna kno y u kno their names? (1-314): well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye. http://tfl.nu/9vla
  Replies (17) Good night (8027) Bad night (972)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him

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  (724): yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him http://tfl.nu/kgpr
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  (786): View more from Florida

  It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...

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  (786): It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries... http://tfl.nu/iebn
  Replies (11) Good night (1896) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit

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  (910): i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit http://tfl.nu/ocpj
  Replies (18) Good night (3867) Bad night (578)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.

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  (978): I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk. http://tfl.nu/so98
  Replies (13) Good night (1566) Bad night (386)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.

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  (779): I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/p354
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  (425): View more from Washington

  You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.

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  (425): You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia. http://tfl.nu/758u
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?

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  (832): Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing? http://tfl.nu/oh1w
  Replies (10) Good night (714) Bad night (396)
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  (760): View more from California

  We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix

  (760): View more from California

  THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE

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  (760): We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix (760): THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE http://tfl.nu/hk7r
  Replies (5) Good night (1334) Bad night (279)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.

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  (403): The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume. http://tfl.nu/nbz2
  Replies (5) Good night (2056) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced

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  (919): You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced http://tfl.nu/qaoy
  Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (219) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.

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  (979): Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log. http://tfl.nu/tdyo
  Replies (3) Good night (239) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt

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