I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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