Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
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The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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