i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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