New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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