i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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