My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i out mim tonsoeep
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