I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
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Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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