God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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