it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
not ubering you a puppy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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