fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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