Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize