She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize