I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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