I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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