I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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