the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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