Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize