Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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