the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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