she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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