in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm passing your future prison.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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