its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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