Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize