if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize