My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize