oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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