Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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