this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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