my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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