Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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