I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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