Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
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Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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