I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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