I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
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being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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