how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize