That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize