SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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