Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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