I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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