I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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