My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize