Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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