Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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