I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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